10 things your teen wants you to know

Teenagers are a mercurial lot. Famed for liking their sleep and communicating in grunts, as a parent, it’s hard to know what they’re thinking. 

I’m a parent and former teenager who’s worked with young people since 2005. The 10 things your teen wishes you knew on this page are the fruits of those last 20 years, to hopefully bring parents and teenagers closer in this stressful time.  

So, without further ado, let’s get into the heads of these wonderful Gen Z-ers. 

It’s great that they are getting offers from universities or colleges. They’ve worked hard, and after producing the 25th draft of their personal statement, the effort is finally paying off. However, students are palpably aware that getting an offer is no guarantee of an actual place.  

Students (on the whole) apply to universities or colleges with predicted grades and thus, subsequent offers come with stipulations of achieving those grades. Some providers even want certain grades in certain subjects. 

Even the most confident, rock-solid student will doubt their abilities. We will talk about how to approach this, but in the meantime, just know they might be anxious and that offers are not in the bag.  

I was having a conversation with a student recently who wanted advice about how to tell their parents they hadn’t got any offers. They had applied to Medicine and despite working extremely hard and ticking all the boxes, had been unsuccessful. It broke my heart listening to him explain how he felt he had let his parents down and his fears in their disappointment.  

Not only is it personally disappointing, but please know they are worried about how they communicate that with you. Now is the time, despite the offers or lack thereof, to reframe ‘failure’, embrace Clearing and assert that your love, belief and support of them is not predicated on getting specific offers. 

I always remember, in my early teaching career, a student telling me in year 7 that they wanted to apply for law. It was a little surprising that during their examinations and while holding five prestigious offers to study law, they realised they wanted to go into midwifery.   

Now, having been through this process with hundreds of students, I welcome these changing minds.  

As I hope to show you, Clearing is an incredible opportunity for students to do exactly this and often can end up with a more suitable course. Indecisiveness is part of the process. Come summer and an increased dose of Vitamin D, there is ample time and opportunity to fully address these question marks and make adjustments accordingly.  

According to The Times in 2025, LSE is the number one university in the UK, followed by St Andrews and then Oxford. In comparison Universitycompare.com awards Nottingham Trent in the top spot, followed by Liverpool John Moores and Liverpool. 

Students want their parents to know that: 

1. University league tables are constantly changing, not necessarily subject specific nor in line with what your son or daughter’s values.  
2. It’s not just about the ‘golden triangle’ (a term to refer to Oxbridge and a few top London institutions) or Russell Group.  

Gone are the days where top recruiters only scour the punts and spires of historic university towns but open their net far wider. With over 140 universities in the UK, with over 50,000 courses, each university, college and course has its specialism and prestige. 

The surprising flip side of receiving an offer is imposter syndrome. I see it all the time.  

Kids who’ve taken a punt, not sure if they were ‘good enough’ to apply, have now shaken hands with the head and are on the results day watch list.  

Students wonder why they, over their peers, have been given the golden ticket and frankly worry they’re good enough. It’s a complicated and very real feeling that I think would be good for parents to be aware of. 

I can hear the door slam as I write this!  

Students want to make their own choices and their own mistakes, regardless and sometimes because of their parents’ own experiences. 

Just because you went down a particular route doesn't mean your child should follow suit. And, equally just because it seems like the safest, most popular option, doesn't mean it's right for your child. Use this time to reflect upon your own ambitions and motivations to ensure you’re giving your children space to find their own path. 

Despite potential appearances, your child is doing their best.  

For instance, I had to reverse a sanction after a student had reached 15 hours of screen time in the last 24 hours. It turns out they were playing distant thunderstorms to help them sleep as they were so preoccupied with exam stress.  

Your young person is dealing with student finance, university decisions, exams, revision, coursework, homework, friendships, part-time jobs, body image, social media, and facing saying goodbye to a school community. It’s a lot, and it’s stressful.  

Know they are trying their best! 

Yes, going to university or college is more expensive now than when our generation attended. However, students know this is an investment in their education and know that unlike commercial loans: 

• Repayment starts only when the repayment threshold is reached. 
• Monthly repayments are based on earnings, not what you owe. 
• Loans and the interest are automatically cancelled after 40 years.  
• The student loan doesn’t impact credit rating.

This is a complex issue, but know your child sees it more as a tax on their earnings after graduation. 

Your children might be taller than you, know more about the sequence of DNA and, thanks to passing their driving test, rarely in. Yet, I would argue they need you more right now than they have for a long time, and they want your help. Even if they don’t verbalise it! 

Whether that be to get them up in the morning, create a revision timetable, or discuss the pros and cons of living on campus, they have big decisions to make. 

In education, we talk about learning happening through a more knowledgeable ‘other’ working with a student, together, to find meaning. Please don’t think that because you haven’t done it, you can’t contribute. You are the more knowledgeable other, with your life experience and skills. So, work your way through the problems together.  

I am continually amazed at how many students don’t want to leave home. Whilst there is a complicated web of reasons, I think that the main factor is fear. Fear of change. Fear of the unknown. Fear of making new friends. Fear of coping with the pressure. I could go on.   

Maybe they don’t know anyone going to their first choice. Maybe their boyfriend/ girlfriend is in the year below. Maybe they are the first generation to move away at this age. As term gets closer and closer, so too does the reality. Change is scary, whether you’re 88 or 18. Reiterate to your young person that these feelings are natural. Work to identify the specifics of these worries and then make an action plan to combat them.  

Identify preparation programmes like the Brilliant Club’s Join the Dots and sign up to the freshers' Instagram group.